apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize