I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
