haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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