Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
