five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
