And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
