Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
