I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
