Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize