just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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