He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
