No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
