well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
