I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
