So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
