I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
