alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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