my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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