Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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