i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
