so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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