So drunk its hurt
What did we do last night that was yellow?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
