this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
