If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
