She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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