I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
