Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
