Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My feet surprised me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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