Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
