I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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