Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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