I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
