Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
