It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
