I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
