The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
no, he came in my armpit
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize