I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
