would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
