R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize