i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Operation Purity has been aborted
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm too high and old for this...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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