Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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