Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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