I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
