On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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