i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
