I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
