So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
