Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize