If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
