she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have tasted many bathrooms
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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