Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
