If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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