I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
