The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
