would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
