tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize