Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
