i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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