I just saw a hot homeless man
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
