dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
