I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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