either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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