You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
