I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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