what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Houston, we have a squirter
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
