im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
