Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
