need another drink. this is the easiest way
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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