So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
