remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
