I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
