You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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