not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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