I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
