My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
